I was searching the Internet just to better myself and make myself a better man. I was wrong I never knew how bad I was tearing my wife down till I read this. I bout brought me to tears I looked at other women I tore her down I failed to show appreciation for my wife in the ways she would like to be shown so to all the women bring this article to your husband and let him read it himself and if he come to a understanding that he did somethings wrong that man loves you dearly we not perfect by any means but to make it work somebody has to swollow there pride and shit out stubbornness this was a blessing that I stubbled across this post
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The simple man, Everything you just wrote, applies to both spouses. It's a lesson that both spouses have to learn. Some husbands hate to be reminded of that. But it's just reality. Just recently learned in class about family health topics, where my professor, explained that husbands talk about wanting their wives to give them desire validation and exaltation, but why? Husbands tend to forget that so does their wife need validation and praise, He also explained and was reluctant to admit to the class, , that sometimes men get a 'big head" because they think they are doing something astonishing when they work outside of the home, but are not willing to stop for a minute to see all that his wife does, and that attitude leads to wifely frustration and disillusionment.
This instructor who is a man himself said he gets the need for balance. . He explained that at one point in this marriage, that he had lost sight of what a good marriage was and that his wife was working as hard as he was and that she didn't expect praises and compliments like men do, but she kept doing so much for him and his children and even for his mother popped in unexpectedly for visits ans still expected a lot from the wife. His wife was exhausted too, just like him, she was working outside of the home and in addition, healing and helping family members with their problems. He said that his wife was experiencing female issues too, and added problem that husbands do not have to go through, but still husbands complain. it took a bad argument between he and his wife and his wife later seeking separation, for him to recognize that he was not being understanding, while she was giving to him.
my marriage is over even though we are still living in the same house. the most important thing i took away from this article is how my husband would repeatedly talk down to me or close his eyes while i was talking. my question is: if a wife tells him how this hurts her, why would he continue to do it for over 20 years?
My husband tunes me out all the time. He can be watching t.v. and be so into the show he doesn't hear my talking OR I can say something to him and he "can't" hear because I "mumble." He has a hearing problem and doesn't want to deal with it.
my husband does every one of these. he tells me i'm worthless and have no value outside of cleaning house and having sex. we have 3 small kids. im not perfect and deal with some of the things you talk about in the wifes version of this. i wish he cared about me or loved me as much as he says he does.
I agree with all of the items on the list. Husband and I have been married for 23 years. Seems to me the biggest issues seem to be with communication. I will express my needs and tell husband how his looking at women makes me feel but it never stops. I used to take it personally and was very hurt, felt rejected, unloved. I saw a man who was full of lust for every pair of legs that walked but had no interest in me. It seemed to me that he expected me to fill a role of housekeeper, cook and nanny taking care of everything around the house and with the kids while he sits on the computer and picks his nose. I eventually stopped talking to him about my needs as I was not being heard and little by little I emotionally separated myself from him. We have had counseling, I have suggested reading material but nothing has changed. I find his behavior quite selfish, then he gets angry with me when I don't want to jump in the sack with him. He just does not seem to get it at all. I am the problem in his eye and he just does his own thing. We ignore each other about half the time it seems.
I think this post belittles women in all senses of the word. It casts women as objects, housewives and nothing more. It fails to acknowledge that many women are independent, intelligent and leaders in their communities. This entire post is probably the BIGGEST way a husband injures his wife: by failing to acknowledge her intelligence, independence and ability to excel outside of being a wife and a mother.
My husband disagrees with your post. He says as a Christian husband it is the mans job to correct and punish his wife in order to keep her in line. That is how a Christian man controls his household.
I would add that taking business calls that are interrupting a conversation with your wife when you are supposedly "off work" makes your wife feel small and unimportant to you. Not to mention the fact that it is disrespectful. Give your wife your full attention when it is your time together.
My wife is so fat and gross, I can't stand looking at her! So many fat rolls hanging out. I simply take it as a sign that we are not suppose to reproduce. But, I love her so much! I will always do my best to take care of her and be a good husband! I guess a life of celibacy isn't so bad.
The worst injury is to refuse your wife any affection, a compliment, no touching or sex for the 2 1/2 years that they have been married. The wife has told him how important it is to her. If husband is asked by the wife if they could make an appointment or make a plan for sex, he goes into a rage. He refuses to listen to the counselor. The husband likes to sleep alone and does not like to be touched. The husband knew how important affection was to the wife when they got married, but he always goes into a rage if mentioned. He thinks sex is not important. Help.
Hello, me and my wife are on the verge of seperating. We have three children in our home, the two youngest being mine. I love my family dearly, but have been feeling anger I my wife. Which, in turn, makes me angry. I have been recently laid off, and my wife has been working and going to school full time, not leaving much for us. When she gets home its studying, and shes gone two to three days a week at school, then two away at work. I have been doing my best to help around the house assuming the role, washing clothes, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the youngest two. But she is now getting upset over the little things. She was getting the kids dressed and it started a fight. She is resentful and sarcastic towards me. I told her I wish she would spend more time with us, but it started a fight about her working so hard for us. I love her, but not sure if she feels the same anymore. She mocks me now, and says im moping when I truley am concerned about us. I am not perfect, and tend to persue things sometimes, but I just seems like when I talk to her in a non confrontational time, she uses it during a fight. I feel like when I share with her my feelings, she uses that as fuel. Thank you, I dont really have anyone to talk to, and feel so lost.
Another way husbands can and do disrespect their wife and make them feel bad and unloved is to do more for their sister and basically ignore the wife to please his sister because she waves money in his face. My husband lets his sister control his life.
I felt a great deal of compassion when I read the post about wives injuring husbands and felt thankful for the insight (I am a wife), especially since men so often have trouble communicating their emotions. However, this post seems to give less insight into the woman's heart than it simply points to a group of dehumanizing behaviors devised to keep dominant figures in their position. Some of these may be relationally hurtful at best, but many are outright abusive at worst. Less subtle forms are serial affairs, harmful words, physical threats/restrains/batteries. These are not "women's feelings" (except #3) (men expect to be valued for the work they do, respected in word and deed, safe from betrayal), rather these are "minority" feelings. If a man is doing this list to his wife and does not know it, then I would think they both need an education in equality, respect, power/control, boundaries, and dignity. A man of character will reject these behaviors when they are exposed for what they are. But the womanizer/abuser/controller will not be prevailed upon by a blog appealing to his compassion for the feelings of the weaker vessel.
I simply don't understand how a man could not know he was talking down to his wife or being condescending or speak as though his wife was beneath his contempt. How could that be? How is his wife supposed to deal with that? How could a spouse ever believe their husband really loves them when they are being treated badly? The amount of anger would be tremendous and the stress level off the charts. That person would certainly find living each day extremely difficult, if not impossible. Performing even the most mundane tasks would become excruciatingly painful. Intimacy would be difficult to say the least. Who would want their husband to touch them under those circumstances? Living a life like that would be exhausting almost to the point of death.
My (now-ex) husband was VERY insecure, and he thought it was funny to TELL me, "Wow! Did you see the (anatomy) on that woman! etc., etc., etc." or (my favorite and spoken with jealousy), "How did someone who looks like HIM get such a gorgeous wife? What's he got that I haven't?" No matter how often I asked him to stop doing that, he continued, and defended his actions by saying he was just having a little fun. Well, if I had had a men's magazine model's figure, I MIGHT have been able to confidently laugh off these comments, but I knew I could never measure up to his fantasies. There were many other issues, from both of us, that we never resolved and finally divorced after many painful years. But "wounded" is a great word to cover the hurt inflicted. Some of these wounds won't be healed until Eternity. 2ff7e9595c
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